I find the line pretty easy to discern actually. Can there be some overlap, sure, with the right person maybe and depending on history. But its still there
Friendship has the largest range of "types" for me. I can have sex with friends and not be romantic. I can be very cursory and average with friends. I can also be deeply trusting and emotionally intimate with some friends about some topics. But if there isn't a romantic aspect, or a lust aspect, they are just friends. I do find people can slide in and out of this type of friendship, but it usually remains the same long term.
In reality I am new to friends becoming lovers. Thats a whole new transition, not one I had ever believed would happen with me. However it has now happened and I can still remember the when and why it happened. In my head it clearly transitioned from friend to lover. Its also been very rewarding to get to know SJ as a friend and then suddenly it clicked into something much deeper.
The other way was far more difficult for me. Understanding how to make someone, who in my head was a lover into "just" a friend was a real fight. It took me a lot of introspection to learn how to turn off the romantic side. It was a lesson that was required. The lines however are still pretty clear.
A lover to me is something all encompassing. Not any one aspect. Sex, romance, friendship, deep connection. I can have a deep connection with a friend and not have sex. I could go through all the iterations but a lover is all of those things, not any one piece. Its helped me clear up feelings for past people and also put into perspective casual sex and why, in reality, I have never done it. Everyone I have been with I have been friends with or remained friends. Its just not in my DNA.
These things can come in passing to. I can feel that fireball of everything inside of me, but it blinks away in an instant. I enjoy and loathe that kind of love, but it is still romantic love and still very different than friendship, even if I love that friend.
I suppose for me, this was easier to separate out who aren't just friends vs trying to define who is a friend. Lovers are so rare and specific that its easier to pull on that than define friendship. At least in my experience.
Last edited by Ariakas; 11-16-2010 at 05:53 PM.