Its a tough one no?
I really struggle with understanding it... much to Mono's annoyance I might add. And most people around me, ah well, what can I say, I like to figure things out if I can, even if it means just figuring that it isn't figurable.
I am like SJ, friends are friends and lovers lovers... the thought of intimacy with friends alarms and repulses me somehow. I don't want to see or be involved with them while they are getting off. I struggle to bring myself to think of what they would even look like. Not because I don't like them, it is just too close. To intimate a detail. I'm glad they have a private life... because its PRIVATE. ha! What the heck would there be to talk about if I knew so much detail. It would be like talking to a lover no? How do you talk to a friends when you are sexual with all of them? how could you possibly not reach some level of connection and depth if there is sex involved? Yet people do... bizarre and confusing to me...
Yet, I have a friend that I am intimate with and a boyfriend that I am not and several friends that I could see being intimate with, but likely it wouldn't happen, and others that I certainly couldn't... The ones I have sex with I am by far more close to... that is the line crosser for me... is it for friends that have sex together or do they just get on with their day as they would had they not had sex?
It is as bizarre to me and interesting as the whole mono/poly thing. How could peoples brains be so different? Or is it to do with experience and how they have gotten to where they are that they are where they are?
Do people who have sex with anyone that catches their eye have as much confusion as I do? I sense a lot of judgement and pride in their ability to be so "free?" "lose?" "open with themselves?" the balance seems to be out on that one.... maybe I'm wrong on that one, I don't know. There seems to be a lot of talk on that being sex positive when I see it as only a part of being positive... positive to me is being positive about ones own
sexuality and boundaries, not about how many and under what circumstances one fucks...
Is that it then? Is this just how it is? or am I out to lunch?
I'm glad to hear others are confused.. maybe we can work some of this shit out?