Originally Posted by wifey
I think fair and equal is very important that has not been brought up to me before. I think it is unfair that I be expected to treat both our GF and my husband as equals when that is not the case. I do however agree that treating someone fairly when you cannot do equally should be totally acceptable.
The three of us have been together for about 3-4 months...yet I'm expected to treat her as an equal and they both feel that way. The pressure to do that is unbelievable on me.
Sounds like it's time for a sit-down with both parties. Is it your desire to eventually be able to treat your gf as an equal? If not, then you've got a whole other mess to work on.
If you do wish to eventually treat her equally, explain this to both of them. Give the good points, the things you like about your relationship dynamics, etc.
Then tell them what YOU need to get there. Whether it's a slow down, including gf in a more reduced fashion, etc. (I'm hesitant to give specifics as I don't know your situation.)
Perhaps reminding (and explaining) how things progressed with hubby before you trusted him enough to share living space, finances, children, pets, and all that fun stuff will check them both a bit.
I think if everyone's got a good head on their shoulders, you can have a really positive conversation about fair vs. equal that will help everyone be more comfortable.
If you'd like to include more details, please feel free to PM me if you're not comfy with posting on the forum.
I'm a pansexual female, married to and living with Indigo
(straight male), in a relationship with and living with Mr. A (straight, mono male).
One day I might stop "practicing" polyamory and just start living it!
Here Be Dragons
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
Nobody gets a toaster oven for recruiting monos.