How long have you two and gf been together? I ask because part of your post speaks to me, and was something my Indigo and I struggled with at the outset of my relationship with Mr. A.
Consider the words equal and fair. Both are good, honorable words. However, they are not the same.
I will speak from my experience, as that is all I have. When I began dating Mr. A, I was very concerned that both men be treated equally. After all, I was determined not to fall into the trap of treating a potential boyfriend as something lesser, to be called upon when I wished and packed up in a box and put away when I was done. Turns out, I still buggered up. Because I was treating this very new relationship with the same consideration I gave to my relationship with my fiancÚ. A solid two-year relationship.
Through some hurt feelings on Indigo's part and much reading on the forum, I discovered my error. I SHOULD have been treating Mr. A fairly, rather than EQUALLY.
While this has changed, at the time of this revalation, Mr. A contributed nothing to our household, and really only took time (my time) away from our home. This is normal, I think, for we were very new to each other. But it was a time for me to check myself, and how I approached my treatment of Mr. A.
Hope this can help.
I'm a pansexual female, married to and living with Indigo
(straight male), in a relationship with and living with Mr. A (straight, mono male).
One day I might stop "practicing" polyamory and just start living it!
Here Be Dragons
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
Nobody gets a toaster oven for recruiting monos.