You may remember that one of the things that we feared might be a barrier to our poly relationship was H's list of sexual activities that he wanted to do in his life before he would agree to the three of us having a relationship. We'd talked about it fairly extensively around late August, but the matter seemed to have dropped. B had agreed to polyfidelity with us, and the three of us got tested and eventually we fluid-bonded, and everything seemed just fine.
And thank goodness for that, because that "list" was a sword over our relationship. My wife has always had a deep-seated fear that she is not enough for her partner, or partners I guess. Because of B's background she was very concerned that B would go looking for someone else. I can't say she felt calm about things after B's declaration of polyfidelity and our agreement to fluid bond, but she was calmer. As for me, I have mentioned here that I was cheated on during my last marriage, and although it's not something I think about often I knew I would be very hurt if it happened again, and I did let B know that. One of the first things she promised me when we started this relationship was that she would not cheat on me.
From the very beginning, we'd agreed that if H did want to go forward with his "list", that all four of us would discuss it before anything happened. My wife pressed B more than once about exactly what might be on the list, and B told her a couple of things, but she never would admit exactly what was there. As I say it was something that was discussed about three months ago but not since. We'd assumed H had just decided that being around us was more valuable than needing to complete the list, which just seemed a little silly to us anyway. And anyway we assumed that if H did want to go ahead with the list, it'd be something that he would do on his own, and although yes that would mean that the three of us would have to go back on being fluid-bonded, at least B would continue to be faithful to us. Foolish us.
Well, this morning B texts us saying she and H are going to two swingers' parties, obviously without us. No explanation was given as to why H wasn't going on his own, other than the inference that H didn't think he could find what he wanted without B being there. And, of course, one would think that if B wanted to honor her polyfidelity to us, she'd put something in the text like "I am not going to be physically involved in anything at these events," but she was silent about that. She claimed that going to these parties would allow H to do something on the list, but again she was silent as to what those things were, whether they involved her and other people or not. Even when we asked her about it, she wouldn't give us an answer.
I am just so fucking mad about it I haven't been able to text her back. The worst thing is that B was texting my wife to say "I'm not even sure what you guys are so upset about," as if it wasn't obvious that she was going back on pretty much every ground rule we'd set for our relationship. She just seemed so oblivious that she'd made this promise to us that we needed for the relationship to go ahead, and that we'd promised her in return, and that she could just break that promise and we'd somehow be...almost glad that she was going to be cheating on us. Like it was the equivalent of winning some prize or something.
So, I feel betrayed, incredibly so. If anything it's worse than when my ex cheated because our marriage was dead anyway, and the cheating only ended it faster. I was still very much in love with B up until this morning...now, well, I don't know how to feel. Maybe stupid that I didn't see this coming. Mostly like I've been punched in the gut. And I'm furious at B that she hurt my wife. And that she broke her promise not to break my heart...or my wife's heart.
I suppose if there's a silver lining to this it's that I knew this was going to end somehow with my wife's concerns, but I feared that she would always think no matter what happened it would be her fault. Well this is manifestly not her fault, and we both know that.
I guess I'll let you know how this all ends.