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Old 11-13-2010, 03:00 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Welcome Nonstick,

Let's see if we can help 'unstick' you from some of the confusing web....

After reading, several questions came to mind mind that I would need answered first.........

Originally Posted by nonstick View Post
....... I was reading a fiction book series, in which a whole society of people lived in a way where a most men have two wives, but also the wives have a special relationship amongst themselves as well.
Well - first, here, I'd try to separate a typical & common male fantasy (2 women and potentially them lovers too) from the reality of a poly life/love style !
Do you REALLY know what poly involves - for everyone yet ?
Make sure you do (i.e. be careful what you wish for).

Originally Posted by nonstick View Post
............. let me get it all out, wrote down questions, and asked them when I was done, and was overall just amazing in how she accepted me for who I am, even though she essentially believes this is not right for her. We talked about pros and cons, how it might affect each of us if it were something we pursued, but it rather quickly came down to a no. She is not comfortable living this way. There might be a chance in the future, but not now.
Ok..............and WHY specifically, does she feel it's NOT for her ? Because the answer to that will dictate how you would approach it. There can be a variety of reasons from philosophy/religious basis to just timing & complications.
If it's truly philosophical, that's going to require a lot of study, willingness to discard any 'assumptions' of what we believe we 'know' and some blood, sweat & tears.
If it's just more because it seems complicated, the plate is full at the moment, there's others (family etc) to be considered, those are more operational concerns that maybe can be worked out.

But you need to have a TRUE understanding of what the objections are.

Originally Posted by nonstick View Post
.............. I feel as happy as I think I could be while being in a mono relationship, but I don't think that I will be truly happy, no matter how much I love my wife and she loves me. And as of right now, she would not be happy if I/We were to add another person.
This may be. We often discover some new facet of life that seems to beckon us. But I fall back to the first question again. Are you really clear yet on how much of this is fantasy and how much is philosophy ? Because if it's primarilly fantasy you may have some rough road ahead. Not to say it can't change to philosophy along the way, because that happens, but it's a steeper climb from there I think.

Let us know what you discover

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