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Old 11-12-2010, 06:51 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

So, a bit of a red flag yesterday for me...

LB asked, as we walked home from having tea with my parents, "are you going downstairs tonight mumma?"

I said, "no"

he said, "but you live down there now right?"

Mono and PN were alerted by this and stopped their conversation. I replied to him, "no, I live in the whole house, not just the top any more."

I explained that he could come and see me down there if he wanted and that he could call just as he calls Mono to see if he can visit. I have called him too.

It broke my heart a little bit as I have feared that having my own room down there would make him feel separate. It has concerned me that I would not be as present and I have wondered if I am perceived as not being as present...

Maybe it's time to re-think a door and create some boundaries as to when I am down there and when I am up here, so that he can rely on knowing when and can have more structure... he didn't seem phased by his observation and hasn't been needy at all. Probably because we have spent a lot of time together due to illnesses, but I am concerned and want to get onto this right away...

I think I will start by talking to him about it and getting a sense of how he is feeling in regards to the changes. He has said before that he is happy and certainly comes across as such, but maybe there is more there that he is feeling and not sure of how to express it..

I had a talk to him the other day about what poly is. He asked me why we keep talking about it and why I write on here. I told him that a lot of people love just one person but that mumma loves Mono as much as she loves PN. I told him that a lot of people don't think that is right and will judge me for that and his dad and Mono and him too maybe. I said that I am the boss of me and that I get to decide what is right for my life, no one else, but that doesn't mean that I don't care what people think. I told him that he could tell me if anyone ever had anything to say about Mono and us all being together and that we could talk about it any time if he wants to...

he got bored at that point and thought it far more interesting to use the cat as a pillow. The cat preferred that too... so I stopped talking
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