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Old 11-12-2010, 05:47 AM
Saphena Saphena is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2

Hey I am Nonstick's wife.. here is my side of the story...

When my husband first told me a few months ago he was thinking about polyamory and considering it to be part of who he is, it was something I had honestly never heard of before. He had me read some information from online to help me get an initial understanding of what polyamory is before we sat down and talked about it. My husband is the type of person who will research into everything before making a decision or opinion for himself, so I knew that in bringing this up to me, it wasn't just a random thing he thought of one day, it was something real. As you can imagine, I had a TON of questions for him about it and we talked late into the night. I really try to be open minded in all situations and learn someone else's point of view instead of getting angry or upset, but in all honesty I did feel hurt. Thoughts that I'm not enough for him, and I can't fully satisfy him, and he'll never be totally happy with me all ran through my mind. I was also worried that because I didn't feel the same way about polyamory, that he would want to leave me.

Since then, we have only had a few conversations about it. It was something that I couldn't get out of my mind, and I knew he was constantly thinking about it too, but it was also a touchy subject for me. It's not easy for me to think about my husband wanting someone else to take care of, fall in love with and be close to. But in not talking about it much, I know that made things a lot worse for him. The more I thought about it though, and the times we did talk about it, the more I felt that we just didn't feel the same way about polyamory, that it's just not right for me. He has told me that ultimately he doesn't want to lose me, and that if it's something I never want to do, he will find a way to deal without it. But that just seems so unfair to him. I feel like I'm preventing him from being who he really is. I don't know what we should do. If we keep things as they are, he will never be truly happy. But if we were to start living polyamorous, I would not be truly happy. How do we find a way to make things work?

The last week he has been out of state for work, and this conversation came up again a lot stronger than before. We've been talking every day about it, trying to figure out how to make it work for us both, but nothing seems to be getting figured out. I am really trying to keep an open mind about it all, considering the possibility that maybe one day I could realise I am poly too. I know it's not something that anyone can be talked into, but I just know sometimes people don't realise everything about themselves right away.
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