Step in the right direction!!! I completely understand the "that's how she is, so you should accept it" because that's what my wife told me at the start. LOL I told her that wasn't going to work if we really wanted to live this way. Considering she was the one that initially suggested we start looking for someone else, she kinda had to stop and think.
Now, his wife may not have been the catalyst for their lifestyle, but if she's accepted that this is how they are going to live their lives, then she has to be willing to do a little bit of work. And yes, you should be going at her pace, but that pace can't be a standstill. Otherwise, what point is there for you to stay around? It's not fair to keep you in limbo not getting everything that you want and deserve from a partner. They have to think about your feelings just as much as you have to think about hers.
Live life to the fullest 'cause you never know if you're gonna wake up tomorrow!