It's been a while, gang. But here I am with a heart full of uncertainty, seeking your wisdom.
I'll cut to the chase. RC (my wife) and I have discussed polyamory for over a year and have had one unsuccessful attempt at it with a lady friend of mine. RC recently got the opportunity to expand a long standing friendship she's had with a very good guy and, well, shit's getting real.
I've had plenty of time to come to terms with their love for one another and I see it as a very healthy and wonderful thing for both of them as well as myself. He and I are good friends and respect one another tremendously. He is a wonderful addition to the family. Their love does not bother me at all, quite the opposite really. I love that she's in love. I see her happiness and feel joy that I can be a part of her feeling it. The trouble comes when I think of them being physical. I know they love each other passionately and they both want to express that sexually. I just can't get past not feeling ok about it. When it comes up I take on the posture of a pouty child. I feel myself close off and not want to talk. I want to throw my hands up, say "Fine, just do it." and then separate myself from the whole situation. Obviously, that's not going to happen. And, thank the heavens, they are both doing their best to move at the speed of my comfort level.
I'm not afraid of loss. Our marriage is more solid than it's ever been. We communicate better and better all the time. She truly makes me feel safe in the fact that she is my full on partner for life. So that's not the problem. I just seem to hit a wall when the subject of sex comes up. I get very uncomfortable talking about it. They have both asked me what they can do to make me feel better and I can't come up with a God Damned thing, because I honestly have no idea how to get over this. I think I just need some outside perspective.
What has worked for you in this situation?
Concern yourself less with love and more with loving.