What a story and such passion!
Everyone has had such great responses! NYX, it was great to here more of your story especially... I love hearing peoples stories. It's why I love being here!
Arpeggi my friend, you are a good writer, very passionate and a very deep emotional man. I admire that in you. You should be very proud of who you are in this world. Passionate people are generally frowned upon, but I can tell you, from one passionate person to the other, that we are really appreciated too. We bring the fire to any situation and it's fire that brings energy.
My concern is that you will use your passion to do as I did in my past in the days when poly was not in existence, and that is become a serial monogamist, and a cheater. I hurt many with my actions thinking that I would make my life easier if I just cheated and hoped not to get caught. I was so wrong, it damaged ME in the end far more than those I cheated on and I have spent years recovering... it becomes addictive too when you get away with things. That addiction still haunts me. I need good and hard rules now to keep me on the path (my own ones and from others).... which is why I dish out hard rules to others one here!
There is absolutely no way you can go wrong with sticking to your needs, respecting yourself as you are, considering and taking doors that open for you and keeping others in mind (harming none and helping all). There is so much going on for each person involved, you have no control over that and will never know all the details.... so keep it simple and look after yourself first. The rest will follow. It seems you are in need of knowing yourself more and understanding what it means to love others FOR YOU! Perhaps a break from all of it would be better... some recoup time and a chance to gain your strength back and learn from what you have experienced. There is so much time to get it right one day. There is no way to get it right than to take time to reflect and give some space to the situation. You sound like me in that your love for others never dies..... you will be amazed at what happens if you leave things alone for awhile and leave them up to fate. The most beautiful things and the best answers come out of it.
Give yourself a hug, stand tall, clear your head, take a breath, feel your emotions in side of your body, check what your gut says and move forward from that.... for me that has never done me wrong in the end.
good luck sweets.... I will be rooting for you.