Originally Posted by SvartSvensk
Some other things we've learned from all this... My wife needs me to be a little bit more assertive in our relationship and take a more commanding role, without making her feel inferior or that she's not my partner. This is a very weird and thin line to walk, because on the one hand, she needs that strength and leadership from me, but on the other hand, she's very much a feminist and not into "submitting to a man because he's a man" - something I would never expect because I've always viewed as us partners and don't believe that men are inherently somehow supposed to be in charge. However, she won't respect a man she feels is weak, and I've had to remind her (and myself) that I am not a weak man, but one that deserves respect and admiration, from her, and in fact from everyone who has known me. This seems to be working - and has helped restore my confidence, though sometimes it feels a little odd to do things in a slightly different way, slight though the difference may be.
I can relate to this. I am extremely independent, strong willed, opinionated and I like things done my way. My husband is much more easy going, while also very opinionated and strong willed, but he tends to express his will in a more passive aggressive way instead of just being upfront (which I don't get). This has caused problems in our marriage. It is only recently, that I realized that I need him to be much more assertive and open about his opinions, wants and needs, especially when they differ from mine. He thought he was avoiding conflict and therefore keeping the peace (keeping me happy), when in truth it was only building resentment on all sides.