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Old 11-10-2010, 04:13 AM
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midnightsun midnightsun is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: In the deep wilderness next to the man I love, raising a few wild animals some might call children.
Posts: 64
Default ADHD... Poly... and Life in General.

Ok, well I would be the "friend" that LR has who has ADHD/ADD and uses the google calendar. I am also an ADHD/ADD coach and write a blog about ADHD/ADD as well. For the sake of simplicity, I'll refer to it as ADD... not everyone is hyperactive so hence the disappearing "H."

All 3 of my kids have ADD/ADHD and so do several of my family members and most of my friends. It is a hereditary neuro-biological brain disorder that has been linked by recent studies to chromosomal abnormalities.

There is no data to suggest that ADD is related to Poly or vice versa. What there is a lot of information about is the fact that people with ADD tend to be "mavericks," like to think outside the box, buck the status quo and tend to focus more on solutions and results than standards and social norms. To me, that would imply that ADD'ers tend to be more open-minded by nature. Therefore, one could reasonably conclude that a higher percentage of people involved in ANY alternative lifestyle would likely be ADD.

Nearly everyone I personally know who is poly (meaning I have met them in person) is also ADD or has noticeable ADD traits. Interestingly, every single individual I *personally* know who has acknowledged being bisexual is also ADD. If there is a relationship between ADD and sexuality, in my opinion it's simply related to a willingness to be open-minded and explore alternatives to traditional sexual, relationship and social norms.

The best advice I can offer is to learn as much about ADD as you possibly can. That is the easiest way to start to differentiate between ADD traits and apathy. However, I don't believe that it's ok to use ADD as an excuse to continue behavior that is hurtful in a relationship. It's up to the person who has ADD to explore the particulars of their condition and how it impacts their life and loved ones so that they can learn to mitigate that impact. That's what I do as a Coach.

It's a two-way street... you and the other partner both have to learn to remind yourselves not to take his absent-mindedness personally, and he has to learn to try to compensate for his absent-mindedness (and other traits) as much as he can with the understanding that it impacts his relationships in ways he may not realize. The GOOD side of ADD is that we tend to be smarter, have a unique sense of humor, more technically inclined and more creative than most. I think that's why ADD'ers tend to be attracted to each other... because we "get" it.

Here's my top recommendations for ADD resources, whether you are an adult with ADD, a significant other of an ADD'er or a parent of a child with ADD:

Websites:
http://www.drhallowell.com/
http://www.adhdmarriage.com/blog
http://www.midnightsuncoaching.com/blog (that's my blog)
http://www.addvance.com/ (very good info on women & girls with ADD)
http://www.chadd.org/
http://www.additudemag.com/
http://www.adda.org/

Books:
Delivered from Distraction - Dr. Ned Hallowell & Dr. John Ratey
Super Parenting for ADD - Dr. Ned Hallowell & Dr. John Ratey
Understanding Women with ADHD - Dr. Patricia Quinn and Dr. Kathleen Nadeau
The Disorganized Mind - Nancy Ratey
Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD - Jennifer Koretsky
A.D.D. and Romance - Jonathan Halverstadt, M.S.

I could go on and on and on and probably turn the Poly board into an ADHD board. LOL! Anyone wanting more information or with specific questions is welcome to private message me and I'll help if I can.
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"Life is too short to always sit around worrying about the bad shit that could happen. It's a lot more fun to go start some shit of my own. "
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