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Old 11-09-2010, 07:34 PM
yul yul is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 38
Default 1st shock...need help.

Hello, I really need help.

Here is my first attempt at poly. I soo need to talk about this. I am not feeling well and even my work has been suffering.


Myself (Male, 35 YO) in LTR 5 years with SO (40YO with 16 YO child). We both come from an alternative background (fetish, kink) and have a fulfilling sex life.
We have occasional 3somes and both rather open minded about sex.


My SO and I often go to parties (just fetish) and meet quite a lot of people. Nothing serious, just dancing and partying and a little bit of play.

I have been flirting with this 2nd girl on a few occasions. She is married but goes out alone. Clearly living a life of sin.
I felt this was interesting because I thought that it would be possible for me to pursue her without taking excessive risks towards my SO.

I REALLY REALLY like her you have no idea.

We started emailing and I tried to arrange for a lunch meeting to discuss what I was looking for (only friendship with possible privileges).
Things went too far (email flirting) and had to come clean towards my SO. She was in total shock yet grateful I came clean early.

We have now been struggling with the idea of having her as a "friend" at least for the past few months.

I then bacame insisting on calling Miss 2nd so I could see her but my SO threatened me not to talk to her. My SO said she was too depressed and that she couldnt handle it.
I obeyed but decided to breach my "no email" agreement after a few weeks since I had no intention to cheat and really like my 2nd..even without sex.

My SO atually left me twice over this in the past few months. First time she actually set me up with 2nd so I could cheat on her. Nothing happened.
We spent our very first day together. 2nd did ask for sex that day- I said no but she was OK.

It is the same story ever since. My SO giving me the hardest possible time and me trying to talk to 2nd with the threat of losing my SO.

This is scary...

Miss 2nd is probably tired of this (and so is SO..clearly).

Miss 2nd is also not completely clean in that she did try to make me leave my SO...maybe just out of boredom and pity for us.
This was clearly a mistake but it does not belong to my SO to judge. I believe it was my job to tame the tiger...

I know my SO could adapt to what I want to live but she is either not ready now or REALLY doesnt like Miss 2nd. I do not intend to impose any of them to each other anyways.

I really like my SO to death as well but i am seeing a side of her I dont like. I also do not want miss 2nd to give up on me, which is what I believe my SO is trying to achieve.

She asked if she could do the same to me and I said yes as long as she didnt have sex but that wasn't enough for her.


Last edited by yul; 11-09-2010 at 08:04 PM.
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