It's my own self image garbage. That's why I'm not totally at ease and why I want her to like me so much. It really doesn't have anything to do with her as much as being so desperate for acceptance. I'm pretty self conscious about who I am and the things that I do a lot of the time. I'm silly and I do things that adults aren't really "supposed" to do.
Maybe I worry about the "what do you see in her?" talk because I sometimes feel that way about her too. I don't get her for the most part. In some ways she's very different from me. She seems to be quite needy and fragile in a way. I'm well...not.
On the needy and fragile note I have a fear that when my husband is away again that she's going to come to me for support when she's feeling needy. I don't know that I can (or want) to be someone she relies on for support. I can take care of myself and the kids but any more than that I might crack. We've had friends before that we were the main support to and it got very very wearing. I don't mind being friends and hanging out once in a while for coffee or to make dinner together but what I don't want is for her to show up (or even to ask to show up) whenever her other partner is otherwise occupied. I have a bad habit of being the caretaker with people and she seems like someone who needs a lot of care given to her.
Wow I think there's a lot more going on here than I originally thought there was. This is a boundary issue. I'm not in a place where I want to be in anything more than a superficial friendship with her. I think that I need to find a way to make that clear to her without making it sound like it has anything to do with her relationship with my husband (because it really doesn't). Pretty much whatever they have with each other is fine by me until it starts putting pressure on me to be and do more than *I* want to.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.