Brainy, welcome to the forum.
Obviously we don't know the specifics of your situation, so it's hard to give good advice, but one of the key general things I have found is that we each have to know ourselves - what our "needs, wants and likes" are, and if there are boundaries that we each have. Self-knowledge can be a powerful tool.
Please feel free to ask questions or join in anywhere on here.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb