"Don't stick your dick in crazy." That is deep wisdom, BrotherMan, a pearl of great price.
Seriously, though, I'm glad you lived to tell the tale. Sounds like you gained some valuable lessons; sorry you had to enroll in the School of Hard Knocks to get them.
From your description, your ex-gf does indeed sound to me like she was abused, my guess is sexually, and probably as a child. The symptoms match the behavior you describe. She really is more to be pitied than censured. I hope she gets the help she needs to heal and become a whole and healthy person. I hope that as her friend you will point her in that direction. Ultimately, though, it's a process she will have to choose and make happen for herself.
I wish her good luck and godspeed on her journey to health and happiness.
To you I wish better luck next time.
Pretty clever having your wife leave that VM to cover your exit. I would've just had Fidelio come pick me up, but hey, whatever works.