@Skeeter- I do seem to sense a bit of a double standard. I have a question though. You mentioned that your wife had a boyfriend before you became poly so does that mean she was cheating on you? The reason I ask is because whatever your wife's conduct, prior to this current arrangement, may be fueling her insecurities. I agree with ny that open and transparent communication is warranted. I think it would also be wise to bring up the 'double standard' concern to help your wife see what you see.
I hope it all works out.