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Old 11-08-2010, 07:59 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Sounds like you got a real smart girl there RP.

And I'd have to agree with's something I see far too often in lovely self-less people...that they go too far taking care of others that they forget to take care of themselves. The rub of course is that eventually they wear down and have nothing left for others because of it. Vicious little catch-22.
She's smart and lovely for sure... we still need to take care of one another though as much as ourselves though. Sometimes that comes from taking care of others first sometimes... it's a strange thing and hard to explain, but by doing things for others, sometimes that takes care of what we need, that feeling of having given. That is also a catch 22.

In the case of your fiancee FlameKat, I think perhaps it might be an idea to let him know you can't answer who you are right now and can't give him the answers he needs... I think you can tell him you will do your best to at a later date (even set a date!) and then when that time comes see if you are ready. You don't have to commit to telling him how you are going to be for the rest of your life, as you don't know that, but you can ask for those questions to be shelved for a time when you are able to cope with answering them.

This is a way of taking care of yourself and giving to yourself at the same time. It kills two birds with one stone as it hopefully will make him feel like there is a time when he can check in with you on where you are at and can feel comfortable in that... you can ask that he give you some extra attention and romance until then as you are just engaged and feeling extra loving (or whatever you need to feel more safe, comfortable and loved).
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