Originally Posted by redpepper
It's kind of a red flag that she is completely unwilling to talk to you. I think if I were you I would be working on finding out what that is about... to me everything goes along much more smoothly and with better results when everyone is talking and working towards finding ways to have a healthy relationship. To me, no contact is not healthy for a long term arrangement. Provided that is the goal here. If he just wants a short term thing, then maybe DADT (don't ask don't tell) would work for you... but then that is more of and "open" concept rather than a poly one.
That is exactly what I was thinking...whether or not we make this a relationship between all of us or not. If he remains in my life, and I in his, she will have no choice but to communicate with me. He has already told her this. I did catch a small part of his side of a phone converstation the other night where he said he doesn't want to discuss this on the phone, in person is best. I didn't ask him then, but will ask him tonight what that was about. She was not happy from his constant having to repeat himself. I really don't think he is going to agree with me and ask her to have this kind of relationship, but maybe he will suprise the heck out of me...who knows.