Originally Posted by redpepper
Good question... that would indicate poly or not to me really... otherwise its either cheating or "open"
It looks like until he is ready to go one way or the other you are stuck waiting for him...
Actually she does know, through a series of events I put together to make her call me. Kinda sneaky, I know. I have suggested this kind of thing to him before as he is such a flirter and loves the company of other women. He can be sneaky, but when I confronted him if there was somebody else about a month before I contacted her..he swore he would never ever leave me again. (happened once before 7 yrs ago and he was miserable without me)
She knows about us still living together, and that he still loves me; but feels that there is something missing. He has told her that he can not and will not promise to move where she is (6 hrs south of us) but that he has to go to where the work is. Also told her that he and I will always have the closest of connections no matter what.
They currently meet every couple of weeks about half way between here and where she lives. My b/f and I are in a struggle right now as his job and his security with who he is, is on the line. I think that is what prompted all this...his own insecurities in himself.
Her and I have talked on the phone twice...the first time as I set up for her to call and made sure she realized he was already involved. It was a shocker to her... but not 100% to me. The second time was after she had dropped him off and was driving home, and my b/f and I were discussing things and wanted me to talk to her directly. He refused to answer the phone when she called and I eventually did, as she was getting upset that he didnt answer and I didn't want anything to happen to her while driving. Of course, she seemed to want nothing to do with talking to me...so I sent her an email instead, and got no reply.
I guess that maybe he mistook my suggesting "opening" the relationship up as he was free to go and have his fun with nobody the wiser...but I clarified that up last night. He is meeting with her again tomorrow...maybe he will bring my suggestion up with her. In the meanwhile, I am in the process of moving out...mostly because we will shortly loose our apt because it comes with his job.
I love him, and he loves me, I have absolutely no doubt about that. He is telling her that he loves her too, but explains it is different with her. I understand that. They have not been intimate yet, as he says he wants to go slowly with that with her...if it ever gets to that. If they have been together in that way...all the more power to them, it is part of our human nature to be sexual...just don't lie about it I guess. I think he just has issue with admitting this is really the lifestyle he wants and the work it will take to make it work...IDK. Any and all suggestions, comments are welcome and will be appreciated. Thank you.