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Old 11-07-2010, 06:20 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,718

It seems to me that some priorities might help. You have a lot going on and the weight of it all sounds to me is to heavy. Why not break it down a bit... you've got a court case, a engagement, a man that you love that is ignoring you and you are falling apart (missed anything?)... what comes first.

Well, the court case won't go away but is done for now, so that can be put aside, the man isn't talking to you, so that can be put aside,,, he isn't going anywhere and obviously needs some time to get a hold of himself emotionally, as do you, so allow that time. You just got engaged... happy times no? Flowers, romance, chocolates, dates, love notes.... rake it in girl! I would be! That only comes around once.

If you are not feeling the love in an engagement and only pain, then that would be a red flag to me... not because of the other guy, but because of your fiancée? If you separate your feelings out into your fiancée and the other man... do you love and want to be with him for the rest of your life? Does it feel sustainable, is it rationally sustainable, do you think that you and he can progress into the future? What can you do to make sure that happens? What have you not laid out on the table in order to have a happy marriage? What has he not laid out?

Lastly, but not the least... is you. You need to take a break (you are, but REALLY allow that) and use this time this other man has given you to re-group and look into yourself I think. Be introspective; what do you want for your future, regardless of those you love? What is it you want to create out of your relationships? Do you want a large chosen family? Do you want more kids? Do you want to be a lone traveler of the globe? Only you know the answers and you are your own primary.

Derby said once and I think she is right, "everyone in your life can leave, but you can't leave yourself" you are number one. That to me, would be where to start first... taking care of myself in whatever way works.
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