Thread: Forever Eklctc
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Old 11-07-2010, 03:48 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 287
Default She & I

This week, my male partner's wife has managed to text me on three separate days. ***** Didn't she just say she didn't have the time and/or ability for such communication? WTF!

Then, after I don't respond to the texts she sent on Friday, she texts me on Saturday to ask if my phone was working or did I not want to text. ***** Not only are you initiating more texts in a week, you also expect a timely response, though, I didn't always get the same courtesy when the tables were turned?

Suffice it to say, I was a bit confused so I responded to her, basically, expressing that it was puzzling to me that she could now find the time to do what she couldn't do when it counted and I needed to know what she wanted from me.

She stated that she thought she was clear in expressing that she wanted to be friends which, for her, means that we would continue to talk and hang out socially. She asked me what friendship meant to me and I told her, for me, it meant honesty and trust and I don't feel that she has been completely honest with me throughout this relationship regarding her true feelings. I also inquired as to how she planned on developing a friendship with me when she just made it clear that she didn't have time to put forth in effort in developing any relationship.

She explained that she tried to give the relationship an opportunity to develop despite the lack of attraction. That indicates to me that she did know from the beginning that she was not attracted to me (physically as she stated) yet that is not what she said after our first meeting when we were all texting and specifically asked each other if we were attracted to one another. We all agree that we were. That is when she should have said she was not really physically attracted to me but she was willing to get to know me and see what happens. I would have approached the relationship completely different, since I do not develop my friendships the same way I develop my companionships, AND we would have never had sex. Why give myself to someone who doesn't find me physically appealing? Anywho, even though friendship is a component of companionship, we know in many nonplatonic relationships, if a friendship doesn't already exist, it is not the foremost relationship that develops. So, when changing the nature of a nonplatonic relationship to a platonic one, you don't always have the foundation to land on a friendship. Additionally, everyone develops friendships differently just like everything else. It is not easy to become my 'friend'. It takes a long time to build a friendship with me because my friendships are based on honesty and trust which builds respect and loyalty. Well, I don't trust easily either so you can see where that may delay development. I think my companionships are based off of love and communication which build trust and respect. Did that make sense? *shrugs*

She also brought up her time constraints again and felt I should acknowledge that I have an issue with them. Well, I have acknowledged my lack of sympathy of her time constraints. I just haven't done so with her because we've never sat down to discuss it in detail, she's never asked me my thoughts, and I haven't made it a point to bring it up to her because I know it is such a touchy subject since it is something that is regularly revisited between her and her husband so I didn't feel the need to poke at an open wound. I think I have previously expressed on her my views of her time constraints. If not, it was on my Not Feeling the Connectivity post in New to Polyamory but I'm sure I'll recap here as I work through this.

Anyway...there was much more to the conversation than what I have listed but I don't feel like typing it all out. After she sent me a 13 text response, I did start to reply but, once seeing the response would consist of just as many texts, I decided to just tell her that I was not going to send her a 20 text response. I told her if she wanted to talk about it, whenver time allows, we can but, at this point, though there are contradictions, I don't have any issues with her. I told her that I just expected more of the same (irregular and minimal communication with her) since I didn't know where anything stood anymore and I am still awaiting a final decision from my male partner.

Last edited by eklctc; 11-07-2010 at 10:59 PM.
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