Originally Posted by suesuekp
I'm tired of feeling jealous and we have seperated twice already because he can't decide who he wants to be with. When he wants to be with her he leaves me and when he wants to be with me he leaves her, however niether party stays 100% apart. He and I are more sexually connected and he is more intellectually connected to her as well as they share his career. I think at this point it comes down to all of us having a serious discussion and figuring it all out. Also, I think I need to read a really good book on this to understand it better....thanks
I think this post makes a good entry into understanding how a lot of poly connections begin.
It illustrates how different people can play important roles in our lives - AND - how that doesn't have to be a conflict unless we make it one.
You claim that you and he are more sexually connected - maybe meaning you have a lot of sexual preferences in common where you believe he and her are more on an intellectual level - and yet there is SOME sexual chemistry too.
It's likely the you and he may share more in common in regards to family etc.
The list would go on if you all were fully open and knew each other intimately.
That's how it is ! That's the reality so many people drawn to poly have stumbled upon, and instead of turning away out of fear have chosen to acknowledge it and go forward. It's just a potential way of viewing human interaction. Broadening the specifications if you will. What's "ok" and what's not.
The 'jealousy' - the fear part - could in theory be thrown out the window simply by acknowledging reality and making a CHOICE ! We connect with different people if we don't put up walls. The way in which we connect with these people varies - it depends on the person. Nothing is better or worse necessarily - only different. Each person offers something to us we value, in different proportion.
It's your choice whether you choose to understand and believe this.
If you do - much becomes simpler (but not all ).
The emotional roller coaster can lose some or most of it power but new steering skills have to be learned & mastered
It's all a choice..............