I forgot to mention a few things in my previous post. Mainly that there is also a very significant bond between all three of us. I would go as far as to say that all three of us are 'anam cara'.
The relationship between my partner and his friend had been steadily weakening (not the right word - but works) since before I had met either of them, however the bond between them was significant Enough that when I met my partner - his friend was a regular feature of his conversation, I even went far enough to describe them as an old married couple (minus any homosexuality
To me it was a package deal - they came together, which is why it was so important to get to know my partner's friend (and for lack of anything better I will call my partner K and his friend T, and if they ever join this site they can give themselves names I will use in future).
I have a deep emotional and spiritual connection with K, and we have from nearly the very start of our friendship, before we became partners. With T it was something that happened over time. We had a deep spiritual connection long before the emotional connection came into play. We were friends first and are now something more... well actually we are now something more just with no communication. The connection is still there and is something that I know in myself will not go away, for me anyway.
Being who I am, I can not ignore it, for me it is like I am no longer able to breathe fully, I am still getting on with life - but not as deeply or happily as I could. I don't know whether to push the issue while I am in Canada this time round (it will be a year before I am able to come back again - hopefully for good). I have a nasty feeling that if I push it will make things worse... but then its the pushing that made T open up to me in the first place. It's my refusal to let him sulk and be moody that took us to the depths we got to, and it was my genuineness and bluntness that he respected so much.
I don't understand at all the reaction he had to K telling him that it was alright if he (T) loved me - after all he fell in love with me too and knows better than anyone how wonderful I am (paraphrasing). From what K tells me - T's reaction was incredulous that K was ok with it - that he should be angry, etc. That as we couldn't do what was right - he would and he would not contact us again. I was extremely hurt he did not say any of this to me - just stopped talking and removed his fb account, removed me from his msn (though i can still see them so i haven't been blocked).
I am struggling to find an answer inside me to the questions that K asked as well. though I did find one of them very unfair - Namely the good old cliff rescue scene... I got very short with him for that one and told him quite bluntly that it was a question that was designed to make him feel better, not one to help the situation.
Then the one I have mentioned before - whether I am IN love with T or 'just love him', not sure entirely what the difference is to him... to me it is a relationship phase, not a defining characteristic of whether it is romantic or not.
Aaaargh - sorry another long post and no specific questions again.
Comments are definitely welcome though, my head is spinning trying to figure this all out, and it definitely doesn't help that K is midflight back to Canada right now, T is incommunicado indefinitely... and no-one else (aside from this forum) know about any of this, and with the legal issues right now - definitely not something I can let out in my small town, even with my closest friends.