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Old 11-05-2010, 02:46 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by RainbowDreamscape View Post
........... He is aware that I want to explore this and is aware and has acknowledged our different sex drives & needs right now.
Well.........there IS a difference between 'being aware' and 'being in agreement'.
You seem to be skirting around the question/reality ? Let me ask another way.....
Have you two reached a point where he KNOWS you intend to go forward with this and is at least prepared to deal with it as you go ? Or do you (honestly) feel that from his perspective it's all still theoretical ? And you blindsided him by taking it 'real' prematurely ?

Originally Posted by RainbowDreamscape
The reason I think I screwed up is because I didn't get his "permission" to sleep with this guy, although he does know about him.
So, to me (only me), if I 'knew' you had a prospect, knew you were (or intended) seeing him, I would ASSUME it would take a sexual direction if the opportunity presented itself. After all, this IS part of the purpose - no ?
The discussion possibly lacking up from surrounds whether he feels he needs to know a person first, whether he needs to be present etc. All conversations that in an ideal world would have been had in advance.
But we don't live in an 'ideal' world - not have 'ideal' communication skills.

Regardless of how this particular stage shakes out I think you both need to keep that central to any discussion. You're both in the learning stage. You MAY make mistakes. Vow to be as careful as possible not to - and commit to that !

Originally Posted by RainbowDreamscape
Am I seeing myself as some sort of possession? The fact that there are secrets is a red flag though that I feel guilt or disapproval of my own choice or fear of my husbands reaction.
Quite possibly. That IS, after all, the old model. A lot of ownership and control dynamics going both ways. Part of a relearning process - but you are not likely there YET.

Have to run - maybe more later..........

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