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Old 11-05-2010, 06:07 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

I think about that "ownership" thing, a goodway to put it might be that you don't belong to each other, but you both belong to the relationship. You both have responsibilities that you wouldn't have if you were single, and these responsibilities include keeping each other informed. Maybe you feel like having to tell him is cramping your style, or that it's not fair that you have to tell him because it's your life... But it's all relevant to him.
When you have sex with someone other than your partner, then you have sex with your partner, it's like they had sex with that person by proxy. Any risk you might have taken will be risks for him too. Even if you use protection, things aren't 100% safe.
I feel like informing him is the very least you could do. By entering a relationship with you, that man is also entering a (different) relationship with your husband. It seems to me that when adding more people to a relaitonship, everyone should be on the same page.

Also, it seems to me that the way you talk about it (asking permission, etc) makes it sound like you expect him to say no, to be against it, to have a problem with it. When you expect someone to be fine with something, you don't see a problem with telling them about it.
But if you think he wouldn't be fine with something, isn't doing it behind his back even worse? It's something to consider at least.
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual
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