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Old 08-20-2009, 03:27 PM
Anonymous Anonymous is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 6
Smile Beginning exploration

Hello all,
My wife and I (married 3 years, dating 2 years prior) have always been open to discussing different... lifestyles. Though we have discussed swinging in the past, we avoided furthering the discussion for various reasons. About 2 months ago, I read an article about polyamory (which I had never heard of) and realized that, in some way, we were already experiencing it.
My wife has developed a friendship over the last 8 months with a coworker. The two have grown close, and while there have been difficult issues, we have been able to talk through them. I have never been worried that she is being untruthful about the dynamic (other than mild instances of jealosy, which I rationalize as normal human behavior), and at each turn, we have become more aware and open with each others feelings. We both feel much closer for having gone through this.
After reading about polyamory, we realized that she was already engaging in the practice emotionally and decided to open the discussion to furthering her relationship. Some tough but construcive conversation has occured, but she has now spoken to her friend about the prospect of intimately developing their relationship.
In our own discussions, we have considered guidelines, priorities, potential problems and benfits. We intend to move forward with gentle hands and open minds. My main concern is that her "secondary" (did I use that correctly?) understands all aspects of this: the maturity level required, the discreteness desired, the commitment priorities, etc. Neither of us want to take the next step unless he is fully aware of what is means, so we have agreed to continue as is, while giving the concept time to digest and allow for further constructive dialog.
My wife and I have also considered the possibilty that I could develop a secondary relationship, and we are both, at this time, comfortable with the possibility. In the little I've read, it seems that this is less common than a triad, but I have begun to realize that, in this community, it's really about what makes us happy, and I like that. However, I have chosen not to jump on the bandwagon just yet. I know there will be some new challenges, just with her relationship, and I do not want to detract from the excitement and newness of her (...our) experience. We think it best to see how one secondary works, before complicating the situation any more. This one fact is what has kept me comfortable thus far. The guy in me says "Go out an explore!" But the husband in me recognizes that I am comfortable if that never happens, and my main concern is my wife's happiness. I think there's something to that, when you really mean it. In fact, the experience so far has really helped us learn to put each other first in all aspects of our lives.
So there's my introduction. I look forward to any responses or advice that anyone will give. I'm also excited about the opportunity to discuss this situation as it develops. I can't explain how excited I was to find this forum!

Here's to exploring things outside societal norms!

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