Originally Posted by RainbowDreamscape
He is aware that I want to explore this and is aware and has acknowledged our different sex drives & needs right now. The reason I think I screwed up is because I didn't get his "permission" to sleep with this guy, although he does know about him.
Am I seeing myself as some sort of possession? The fact that there are secrets is a red flag though that I feel guilt or disapproval of my own choice or fear of my husbands reaction.
Why look at it as "permission"? I understand that it could possibly feel that way but it's not just a decision for you to make or for him to make, it's something you BOTH make together (depending on the boundries, I guess). It's not only for peace of mind, but for safety as well.
I'm not in a poly relationship with my s/o but we do have an open relationship. We've discussed that we keep communication open with everything, including our intentions with people. If someone random does come up sponateously on the radar, we tell each other at the next available and appropriate opportunity. There have been times where the truth has made things difficult, but that's where the communication comes in. The moment that you hide information or even slight details is when the trust starts to drop.
I've been on both sides where I had to tell the truth and where the truth was told to me.. and I understand, it's uncomfortable and sometimes you just think "what they don''t know can't hurt them" but finding out the truth later on hurts more. Once you break that trust on that type of level, it's hard to rebuild.
Be honest and be willing to work things out. Listen and see what they might have for suggestions for next time. I've learned that it's a continuous learning experience and you can't always get it right on the first try.