Thank you Narapela and eklctc. Yes, I have started to talk with my husband, K, about polyamory, but I have not proposed it as something for him to explore. He believes he is pretty strongly "wired" as you say, for monogamy. My own sense is that this is true...
Nonetheless, my love for D and my honesty about it with K, has brought about amazing depth and intimacy in my relationship with K. Despite the pain and difficulties, he has amazed me with his kindness and openness to me. But, it is also true that my ongoing relationship and connection with D keeps triggering pain for K. It is very hard to know the best, and most loving, way to proceed for all concerned. K has asked me to not see D for awhile...which I understand from his perspective. But the pain it is causing me is excruciating. Especially as D is experiencing some major health issues right now.
I'll keep reading and hope to learn and find what resonates. Many thanks.