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Old 08-20-2009, 02:51 PM
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River River is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,164

Originally Posted by arpeggi View Post
If it is off-target for this board then I will edit it as needed or even remove it entirely, and I apologize.
The length is okay, no problem.

As for possible solutions to these torments? Shoot, I don't know!

I do think I know what you want to have happen. I think you want to love Lily and Dahlia -- both -- and to have the two of them also love you, and to have this not be a problem for anyone involved. This may not be possible. One or both (or all three) may not be able or willing to take that path.

And so I can only respond from within my own experience and perspective. And the truth is, I'm not terribly impressed with monogamy. I know that monogamy works for some people and they don't want to step out of it, and that's fine -- for them --, but it doesn't impress me that much. The reason is that I know from my own experience that loving two people in now way diminishes or lessens the love each receive when there is real love happening. So there is no factual or reasonable basis for the fear that if my partner loves someone else, he/she must love me less because of it. The very opposite is often the case! Oftentimes, love between partners grows when the relationship is opened up to allow for other loves.

You are all obviously quite young, and it can take years to grow into the understanding and capacity to have open, poly-, love -- given that movies and love songs, churches and parents..., all sing about and celebrate monogamy as The One True Way To Love, With All Other's Not Being Valid Options.

So you have to make a choice. You can choose one girl-flower or the other or you can choose to try, with the others, to have your cake and eat it too. That is, to love whom you will, freely and openly and honestly. This decision isn't all yours. The two girls are in on it. If there is no chance of these girls letting you have and eat your cake, you must choose one of the two -- or neither. I'm going to hope that you can both have and eat your cake. But that's just how my heart works.
bi, partnered, available

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