that is right. our rule (as husband and wife) of play together was that all three be there and involved. Yes, we have sex without her. she was okay with it, understood.
I realize this is probably not what the true definition of poly is ... because we do not have an individual relationship with our Third. Maybe it's more of a swinging thing or a friend with benefits ... not sure.
We are newbies and still finding our way. that is why I don't want to just give up with this.