*a little rambling with my thoughts*
So I was graciously pointed in the direction of Xeromag.com tonight, and what I found was a huge wealth of information! As I was reading through some introductory thoughts on polyamory, it dawned on me that so much of this has to do with personally and socially constructed beliefs. And I wanted to ramble on this for a little while. In my self-help junkie library I've recently added a new titled called "I am" and in it the author specifically singles out this patterned behavior of 'beliefs' that we create around us and limit our lives to.
He offers the example of a battered wife, who has a belief that leaving the relationship will leave her lonely, hurt and afraid. And by living with that belief she actually creates a situation in which she is lonely, hurt and afraid. Basically he goes on to establish that we have all of these beliefs that we have created on our own or through assimilation and thus allow these beliefs to control our lives.
Personally, I love to challenge beliefs, but now, Julio does not. He was raised in the South and his father is a preacher. Almost immediately I came across this challenge. One situation I remember, I had invited him to a party some of my burner friends were throwing. At these parties I had a tendency to disrobe. I tried to be polite and warn him before this happened, and it scared him. I was respectful and refrained from ditching my clothes and we talked for a while about it. His beliefs came up, one being that the body is sacred and the second being that girls that disrobed at a party in the south were looking for trouble. I candidly expressed to him that he may not be with the right girl, and politely excused my self from the conversation. Stripped down to my itty bitty panties and did a full pole dance routine on the spinning stripper pole at the party(I used to teach pole dance fitness and I was often invited to perform there) You see I was a stripper when we met, I am currently employed as a stripper and most likely will remain a stripper for some amount of time. So asking me to keep my clothes on is a little silly. Later on we talked about the situation and he admitted that the atmosphere was so different then he had expected. The whole experience was artistic and he said he even thought there was respect for me in the room.
Which leads me back to my point, I want to be loving and respectful of these deep rooted beliefs that my husband has. But at the same time I want to challenge him to open his eyes and heart to a world of possibilities out there. I just wonder if some of these beliefs are movable?
To be clear the quote that got me thinking was
If your lover goes out to a restaurant, do you think "My God, what if the restaurant food is better than mine?" Do you agonize over whether your cooking may seem substandard by comparison? http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html