Welcome to the forum, mj. I hope you remain actively involved in learning all you can from this forum.
It is not always an easy journey, but like the best rides it remains memorable and has the potential of empowering oneself through honest self-confrontation and liberating self-expansion.
Be gentle with yourself and respect what you feel.
"Confusing monogamy with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other error." — George Bernard Shaw