Where I am Today
My male partner did not contact me at all last night. He usually texts me around the time his wife heads off to her part-time, night job. I began pondering what new revelations there have been at this point.
We were awaiting a decision about her continued employment with her night job since she received a reprimand last week due to her venting about a frustrating client within earshot of a higher supervisor so maybe she did get terminated OR maybe they found some time to discuss this situation and his options and he is reflecting on it or dreading sharing the outcome with me OR it could be something else entirely.
Between last night and this morning I had a...I guess I'll call it a vision since I wasn't asleep when it popped into my third eye... It was an image of blood between a women's thighs and, in the next scene, the lower half of a little one still in diapers, walking. Now, I don't claim to be prophetic just intuitive but the timing, with my male partner being M.I.A last night and she and I both being in the time of our menstruals this week, is curious. I had another 'something' (let's say feeling cause it wasn't really a vision) that felt of 'baby' this morning so it makes me wonder if they have succeeded in impregnating her.
Tonight is one of our (he & I) regular nights to see each other but I don't know if that is still the plan. If I don't talk to him by 3p, I'll text him and find out.
As I was riding the lightrail into work this morning, something else of use popped into my mind- one of the agreements from the four agreements explained in The Four Agreements by Shamanic teacher/healer Don Miguel Ruiz. The concept of this book follows this belief:
"Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth."
The four agreements are: Be impeccable with your word; Don't take anything personally; Don't make assumptions; Always do your best.
Don't take anything personally... Don't take anything personally...
This agreement found its way to the surface this morning and just reverberated through my mind. I very rarely take anything personally because I do believe that more times than not it isn't personal though it may come in the form of a personal attack and your verbal/physical/emotional reaction to any given situation is all based on your perspective. I've put in a lot of work to broaden mine so that I am more proactive than reactive lessening any internalization I may experience. With that said, I realize that the issues my female partner is experiencing have nothing to do with me. Unfortunately, I have to suffer the effect of her ordeal but I am not responsible for anything she is currently enduring. Once I accepted that, the emotional reaction I have been battling with decreased substantially. There is still some residue, though, of the pain that was caused unnecessarily but I am working through it. I haven't fully pulled back all the layers of my emotional reaction to identify what is lingering at the core of them within me but I do know that a lot of it has to do with opening myself up to others, thereby, allowing myself to become vulnerable. I struggle with allowing others in so to have managed to do that just to be hurt...