I am in the "go slow and check" camp. I am very fortunate that my partners feel the same way.
There is no rush to dive into a committed relationship or into bed for us. There is plenty of time to check back with the other folks involved in your relationship about how they feel. This person will become in some way a part of our dynamic, and that will probably change the dynamic in some way. To me, it's only fair to give my existing partner(s), no matter how many of them there are, the chance to agree with or object to how that dynamic may change.
This would more than likely mean that everyone gets to hang out for a while, maybe several times, to get a better "feel" for the people involved (this would apply for the person interested in coming into the relationship as much for those already involved).
To me this phase isn't about whether the new person is fit to join the group or not, but about a mutual growth of understanding of each other so that whatever is entered into is done with eyes (and hearts) open for everyone involved.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Last edited by CielDuMatin; 11-03-2010 at 03:01 AM.