It's me again.
That last post may have come across all wrong. Of course not hurting my girlfriend is my priority right now. The other thing is that our relationship is suffering from this constant pain that stems from me not feeling complete. This is why I'm torn. I've often almost given up and broke up, and so has she. Most of the time the reasons could be traced back to this feeling of something missing. Once or twice a week I go out alone, meet old and new friends and sometimes make new ones. This is essential for me, and I'm used to making new friends, but you know when you meet someone who's very special to you, it's special. I can fall in love with everyone I meet, that's just me. But once in a while, and I'm speaking once or twice through these last 2 years, it's super special. Only after I met this person, who's a friend of friends, the idea of polyamory has become a more tangible, concrete thought, while in the past it was (only?) always an ideal somewhere in the back of my head.
I want to be completely open with my girlfriend, and so I should tell her about the crush I have, but I cannot do that without the context of possibly exploring polyamory. She wouldn't talk to me for 2 weeks or split up right away. -- I'm not so naive to really assume it would actually work automatically, I just have to be open about it.
One thing I want to add to the picture: My girlfriend has often - jokingly - brought up ideas like finding us a swinger couple so we can share a larger apartment, or taking a girl back home with us, - these were only jokes, but I know there's some place these jokes come from.
Sorry, you don't have to answer my venting here, simply getting this off my chest makes me feel a little better.
PS: But of course every bit of advice is appreciated, since I'm confused, scared and somehow relieved at the same time. I just don't know what to do.
Last edited by openheart; 11-02-2010 at 04:24 PM.