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Old 11-02-2010, 01:40 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Openheart,

Well, reading through your post, here's what came to me.

First and foremost, polyamory is very much a philosophy/belief system. I think it's good you have stumbled across it but I also feel you have a lot of studying and thinking ahead of you. There are obvious attractions at first and I'd be wary about getting blinded by only the glitter (perceived).

Everything that makes a metal detector buzz isn't gold - or even silver.

I think once people either discover poly or suddenly find themselves immersed in it, everything looks different to us. Every person we come across that we pick up something positive from (attraction, vibes, respect etc) now becomes a POTENTIAL love interest. The old boundaries of "I'm in a relationship so have to tune this out" are gone.

It can be confusing...........

As part of this new outlook, you have to have time to develop filters. We can connect with many people once we open up, but those connections may be of a wide variety. You have to learn to filter out potential love interests from just great, interesting people. There's a huge difference, but in the beginning (and maybe long after) it seems the 'buzzing' is constant ! There's treasure buried under every rock.

So my suspicion is this is where you're at right now ?
As for your current love interest, you mention she is VERY needy and potentially very Dependant on you in some way (emotionally ? physically?) Chances are your inner alarms are reacting to this. It's not healthy and a prescription for disaster long term. If I were you, I'd be trying to get to the bottom and address that first.

Trying to introduce something as radical (for most) as poly into an environment like this just isn't going to be nice at all. And not only that, but it's a very poor breeding ground for your first experience. If polyamory will be a correct choice for your life, you need to start it with a good, solid foundation at first. It's not a cake walk, and the better foundation you have, the better your chances of success and happiness.

Hope that helps clarify something for you............

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