New in New England
Hello. I am a 46 year old woman with two teenage children, a girl and a boy, that I co-parent reasonably harmoniously with my ex-husband. I have been re-married for 3 years to a wonderful man (K) that I adore. Though I love K, I probably would not have re-married, except that I got a job with health insurance and he had no insurance because he works as a freelancer.
I have always had mixed feelings about marriage, and during my 18 year marriage with my first husband, throughout which I was monogamous until the very end, I felt strongly drawn to and connected with a number of other men. However, I am only interested in sexual intimacy that is part of a deeper emotional and spiritual connection, and casual sex, whether inside or outside of marriage, has never interested me. Unfortunately, emotional and spiritual intimacy was something my first husband just wasn't capable of, and I finally had to leave for my own emotional survival...though unfortunately, I didn't do it very gracefully.
Now here's the complication! A number of years back, just a few months after I started dating K, I met another man (D) with whom I have since developed a very close friendship. Actually, that would be an understatement. We both feel an extremely profound and soulful connection, and the energy between us is electric. However, not only are we both married to people we love, but we refuse to engage in some secret, sexual relationship that would eventually wreck our relationships with our spouses, and probably wreck the magical relationship we have with each other.
So, I have been very honest with my spouse about D. And D is also opening up more to his wife about me. They have been married for over 20 years, and in many ways have a great relationship. But it lacks the passion and depths that D wants in his life. And I would say the same for my relationship with K.
And it is all extremely hard, for us and our spouses. To their credit, our spouses have been amazing. But, I find I am now trying to navigate two beautiful and intimate relationships, and I stumble. I don't know how to be graceful; it seems I am not able to be present for both relationships in the ways I want to be, or the ways K, or D, want me to be. Sometimes I just want to choose neither man, rather than both! Help!
I am in great need of the company of people who seem like-minded in the realm of love and intimacy, and who believe in the capacity of humans to engage in deep relationship with more than one other person. I have only recently "discovered" the concept of polyamory, and it resonates very deeply. I don't whether this is the "path" for me, but I am open to it.
Thanks for listening.