Originally Posted by Seekinganswer
The past week was testing the waters for us and for the better part of the week, I enjoyed the companionship and talks with S and D. We decided to try a weekend together which did not go as expected. D was tense wondering if I was comfortable with her presence in our home. S was trying to put her at ease half the time which made me feel like a third leg.Where was that compersion that I felt on our first meeting? Out the window and in with the doubt again. Somehow, every affectionate gesture S made towards D made me feel like a thousand needles pricking me and the pain enveloping my whole body bringing me right back to where this all started, d day.
It's ok - hold on. Your first trial went pretty much as expected for most people. It's just one of the hurdles you get past - nothing more. Try not to read more into it than it deserves.
He would NATURALLY have been concerned for your feelings and comfort. Ditto for her. That's bound to raise a certain tension level. Also natural for him (and you?) to be concerned for her comfort level and of course he felt some ethical obligation to try to ease that (affectionate gestures etc).
In an ideal world, all 3 of you would have had a discussion prior that went something like..............
"ok - this is going to be uncomfortable for ALL of us this first (and second or third) time. Lets understand right up front a lot of that discomfort is going to come from old programming and all COMMIT to calling that out and fighting through it. Let's try to only acknowledge any areas of discomfort that are coming from what we see - right now - in front of us. Not what's attached to the old paradigm.
We know these things. We just avoid verbalizing them. Which is counter productive. It's a new skill to master, but one that has a lot of uses in life in general.
Keep going. You're doing great so far.
From a guys perspective I might share something about him and his reaction that might be overlooked - or difficult to verbalize.
This new person, happiness level etc, that you sense in him may not be as connected to HER presence as you are assuming. Check with him on this. For myself, and many others I know, it's really more about a sudden insight into love & relationships itself. It's really a philosophical thing for those inclined that way. It's like there was this dream in the back of your mind about how life COULD operate that everyone always told you was impossible, only to find out you were lied to !
It's hard to explain...........it's a liberating type of confirmation maybe about what our spirit has always been telling us that society has been trying to refute.
Does that make any sense ????
It's very possibly not about her in particular at all ! It's the concept. Not to diminish her particular place/role, but neither is she the sole majik component.
Hope that helps ?