Can of worms or light?
Thanks Breathesgirl, interesting link, something that made me smile for the day.
@Rachelina: Yes, the doubts are many and often I ask myself whether our decision to move into a poly relationship will be a can of worms or light? S says that it really depends on my mindset. If I want to see poly as a can of light then that is what it will be for me. I guess patience and time will help to dispel the doubts.
The past week was testing the waters for us and for the better part of the week, I enjoyed the companionship and talks with S and D. We decided to try a weekend together which did not go as expected. D was tense wondering if I was comfortable with her presence in our home. S was trying to put her at ease half the time which made me feel like a third leg.Where was that compersion that I felt on our first meeting? Out the window and in with the doubt again. Somehow, every affectionate gesture S made towards D made me feel like a thousand needles pricking me and the pain enveloping my whole body bringing me right back to where this all started, d day. The next thing is to move into flight mode to salvage what I have of me left.... I asked myself why this warm and passionate person S had become has decided to reveal this side of himself now and not before. So maybe this is what HE needs to be completely happy and I have no right to keep him away from having D in his life. When this flight voice pops, fuelled by my doubt, I do not think about S's reassurances or explanations. I just want to be away from all this and maybe the pain would stop.
@ redpepper: thanks for the resources. I will check them out and learn as much as I can. Perhaps with more information will help me make sense of the situation and my emotions