GS, thanks for that. Yes, the "scratching eyes out" visual is what is expected of a betrayed spouse but that's a trip I decided early in life never to take. Where we come from, betrayed spouse attacks take the form of acid attacks, poisoning or street brawls where grown women make spectacles of themselves just to make a point... In fact, D's family is living in fear for her safety so to speak. Luckily, D knows I will not do anything to harm her and that is sorted.
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
"Should be" ? Who determines what "should" be ?
Society ? Family ?
If you subscribe to the concept that we create our own reality, isn't it up to you to determine what "should be" for you ?
And maybe more importantly - what is REAL ?
What part of you knows somewhere inside what may be the best path for you - and those you love. What IS real to you ?
Seems you have your answer maybe ?
Although the temptation to shove the matter under the rug was overwhelming, I prefer to accept what happened by meeting D and clearing the air if only to help with the healing of all involved. If S was feeling that strongly for D, how are we going to mend our marriage if I delude myself into thinking this feeling will fizzle out. So I knew early on that we were not dealing with a simple sniff in the nose cold that goes away with lots of drinking and rest. THIS was serious.
However, deciding the right path and actually acting on this decision was another matter. The trial week was smooth ( simple bonding, doing things together and lots of talking) was safe and enjoyable. However, Im still a long way from opening myself to the relationship because of the affair emotional baggage and doubts that it caused. I still dont understand how one day Im full of compersion( like on our first meeting) and dont mind seeing them kiss and the next Im back to mono mode feeling left out of their circle. This feeling was very strong over the weekend we spent together. How can something good give me such pain? Yes, I know its my attitude that needs to change but we also realised that perhaps we were moving too fast. Within 4 weeks, S and I have moved from D day to no contact with D, meeting finally and telling her about poly. Alongside this, as the details of the affair unfold and seeing how strongly S feels I am struggling with doubt if all this will work.
We are back on..one day at a time and then we'll see how things go