Today in My World 103110
I found out last night that my female partner is not 'as' physically attracted to me and would prefer to exclude the sexual aspects of our relationship. That's all fine and well but I'm definitely irritated.
I am mainly irritated because there has been a lack of honest communication from her/him to me for who knows how long because I didn't ask how long she has felt this way. I feel lead on because I have been allowed to waste my time, energy, and effort working towards building a relationship with her when, at no time, has either of them hinted to this revelation. We have had solo and group sex sessions throughout and she has consistently made statements to me that contradict her true viewpoint.
This all began when I set out to have a discussion about the type of relationship we were developing and the direction of that relationship because I Was feeling some dissention on her part, due to a lack of time and effort invested, and lack of cohesion between all three of us during our group time. It all made sense once she dropped that bomb because all of the things I had concerns about fell into the nutshell labeled, 'She's Not That Into You'. All of my concerns cancelled out.
One thing that we did discuss as a concern that still eats at me is our discussion about her time constraints. She told me that I sounded just like our male partner when I brought up her lack of effort in making time for us/me. To me, she was on the defensive throughout the conversation and would say things like, 'I know that's hard for you to understand' or 'You may think this is harsh', etc. I can understand why, especially, dealing with time management because she has had to have the conversation throughout the ten years they have been together. Now, she is a married woman with no children or other outside responsibilities (i.e. volunteering, school, etc) with a husband who pretty much takes care of the domestic aspects of the house who works 1-1/2 jobs (one full-time all week & one part-time 4 days a week) so, as time has progressed, I must admit that I am have grown less and less sympathetic to referring to her schedule as a crutch. I'm not insensitive to time constraints but I do know, from experience, that time can be managed in a more effective way, especially, in her case. I am a woman who has lived at least half of my life working with a smidgen of time to maneuver on a daily basis. For half of my life, I have worked more than one job and went to/took classes full-time, all while managing to take care of 2-3 people, at any given time, excluding myself, making sure that everyone gets to care, school, practices, appointments, gatherings, work and making sure they have a hot meal at home, a clean house, clean clothes, quality time, etc. Throughout all of that, I still managed to squeeze in socializing and volunteering. SO...being that she is someone who only has herself to look after, her time issues are minimal to me and over exaggerated. Alas, that is neither here nor there now since her time constraints are no longer my concern.
Anywho... so now my male partner and I are left to think about if we can continue our relationship successfully in this manner since that was not the desire going in. *sigh*