@Neon- I do realize things would be different once the baby was introduced; however, with all three of us involved in the relationship and me already being a mother, it seemed that we could work through that fine and build as a family. Prior to this point, she had already been pregnant and we all bonded well through that period but she loss that baby. Now there is no pregnancy but they are actively trying (which I think is still not the best time because of other stresses she is dealing with but that was not asked of me). However, it took them forever to conceive the child she lost (due to schedules, physical/emotional stresses) so, since the circumstances haven't changed in that aspect, I believe it is something that won't happen immediately. That's just my untrained analysis though.
You may be right, Neon, about seeking non-attached people for a multipartner relationship. I know there are people out there, already coupled, who do operate more individually and can really embrace an additional partner in the way I seek (an exe and I were really good at this) but I also believe they are few and far in between. Additionally, I've lived in Denver almost two years as of next month and, in those two years, my couple (who I met in June) are the only compatible relationship prospects I have had.
I totally agree with you regarding couples still being individual people. I have had to tell my male partner that twice in this relationship because he tended to divert to what 'we' think or 'I think we should not go into anymore detail until we can involve her'. Mind you, I have always equally inquired and discussed things with both of them but I realize that they both have their own viewpoints and then they have their viewpoint and I was interested in both. :\