Londoner New to Poly
I've always been interested in 'alternative' lifestyles and the possibility of societies falling outside the modern Western model. I'm a child of the 60s, and the experiments in living undertaken then and since has always intrigued me, even though my background has quite mainstream.
I didn't form any long term relationships until my thirties. Until twelve years ago the theory and practice of sexual fidelity was something I didn't fully understand. When I met my current partner, I felt I needed to make a commitment to our love, and we have been married for 6 years. The realisation that monogamy was perhaps not the optimum solution for us has come through time and experience. Institutions tend to generate their opposite, and in the case of monogamous marriage this is adultery. All that is supposedly admirable in marriage, the mutual intimacy and honesty of a couple, is compromised by the fact that it is possible to love more than one person at the same time. Once we had discussed this, we felt our relationship to be less insecure, and it became an expression of our free will and desire for each other. The opening of our marriage superseded previous antagonisms and will provide a more stable basis for our life together.
Since our marriage has become open, my wife is free to spend time with her lover, and I am liberated from jealousy concerning her and guilt over any feelings I might have toward other women. We know now that love is not a finite resource, and will actually become more plentiful as it is given. I suppose that our relationship might be deemed poly, but I am not sure how it compares with those who have established this lifestyle. How many flavours of polyamory are there? Is it for straights too? Personally, I have an interest in Intentional Communities also, and would like to believe that poly relationships and more communal living would herald the coming of a new era in social being. However, my wife is not as keen to explore these aspects, even though in most other respects she flies her freak flag high. So, I'm here to learn, hopefully to discover the most satisfactory way ahead for us, and to share any lessons with others.