So I have managed to have my discussion with my partners and a very interesting and vital revelation has come out of it. While my male partner understood and agree with me on my viewpoints and acknowledged they were things he needed to work on, my female partner told me that she was not as physically attracted to me as, she believes, I am to her and could probably take or leave the relationship because her focus is on personal goals (which is understandable). She basically stated that she would be interested in continuing to hang out with me and being friends but she does not desire the sexual aspect of the relationship.
I'm glad that information came out, though, I am upset to find out that (1) both partners have kept this knowledge hidden from me, (2) my female partner has basically subjected herself to interactions that she really didn't want with me, and (3) we really are not working towards what was originally discussed and I'm the last one to find out.
Pretty much, all of the concerns I originally had are null and void because, without her participation in building an all-inclusive poly triad, me not being included in their conversations; me not feeling a part of a 3-party relationship when we are all together; and me feeling that my female partner is not giving much effort into communication with me and building our relationship all revolve around a different type of relationship then what we, ultimately, are in and that was really the entire point of the conversation to begin with.
So, we somewhat pondered where we go from here ... and we are still pondering. As I have stated on the board and to my partners, a 'V' poly relationship was not my goal but that is where I am finding myself and in a secondary position. I don't know where I sit with that right now since I'm less than 30 minutes out of their presence. The original arrangement was that we would all only emotionally connect with each other. For me, that connection consisted of an all-inclusive companion/intimate relationship. With that no longer being the case, I know that I will not be emotionally fulfilled with just the connection between my male partner and I.
We spoke of our desire to have a live-in poly relationship in the future. They are working on having a baby. I mean, I'm now pondering the future as the time for these things draw near and concerned about how that will look...if they are still in the plans...what our roles will be...etc.
I don't even want to think about it anymore. I'm going to bed.