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Old 10-31-2010, 04:29 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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My immediate comment on the sex concept is one where I can relate. My wife and I sometimes just don't mesh. It happens. especially with different sexual needs and desires compounded by time with a person.

With my wife I am like you bf, with my gf I am .. well different. our desires together don't always match up. You might have to find a way to meet in the middle, or find your source of fun elsewhere. I find it VERY difficult to be dominant/sadistic with my wife.

Me finding someone I can be that way with, and her finding someone she could be that way with has opened us up to what we can do with ourselves.

Another point, you can't force someone to be dominant/sadistic, regardless of how small or great the play is. If they aren't, they aren't. They can fake it for a time, but I bet that wouldn't work out to well.

Quote:
I'm just so frustrated. We have not been having sex at all lately (for at least 3 months, and before this it would only happen once a month or so). He says it's because my OCD gets in the way. I will admit that I can be a bit of a prude, but not in the way you might think. I'm not afraid to try things. I just have a problem with fluids... and most good sex involves fluids.
Wow I can relate to this too, we went through a time of this kind of trouble with OCD. Sex wouldn't be impromptu...it would just end up being work. So much ritual required before we could have sex, I would lose interest. I will see if Pengrah will post but she is fairly anti-online...I would be curious to see how she sees this.

Quote:
I feel like a monster. The thing is I told my self I would work on this problem, and I have been. The past two months I have been begging for sex and I was even prepared to do all the things he likes, but he has no sexual interest in me at all. He says it is because I don't like anything he does, so he has gotten so tired of me saying no that he doesn't want to bother anymore.
I just spoke with my wife on this. Again I can really relate to this. My wife had very....and holy shit I mean VERY specific needs. I am talking penny sized errogeousness zones combined with a very very specific pace combined again with an OCD ritual to make it work. While I am a pleaser, this becomes monotonous because it just didn't allow for true play. (luckily she has a nice sized g-spot or I would have been really frustrated as a pleaser)

The point of that, maybe you need to discuss...and this will take work.

a) not what he wants
b) but what he can do for you to like it

A lot of stereotype revolves around guys liking sex to have sex. The problem with that, is there are those of us who like to please. If we can't please, we aren't interested. Being pleased is of little interest. Not sure how to make that work in your relationship but its something to consider.

Well here is the good news. Whatever the challenges are they can get fixed. It takes both work and...well...luck. A combination of finding poly, TRULY understanding our fetishes & sexual desires and us realizing our individual limitations of some of those sexual desires has helped us a lot. We can't be everything to each other, that was a big step.

Well hope that long response made sense.

Ari
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