Hello. Me again. I just had a conversation/heated discussion with my boyfriend. We have been together and poly for a few years now. Here's the short story. I saw him going on a sex site. Like myspace for people that just want all kinds of sex: nasty, normal, freaky, friendly, anything you can name it's on this site. For some reason it bothered me. Let me share why. I know that my bf and I have a different outlook on our poly lives. I want meaningful lasting LTRs. My bf wants sex. His main reason is this: he has me, I have been his gf of 2 1/2 years and counting, a good friend BG and her husband, and a new semi GF/ flirt buddy. He said he doesn't want any more real attachments beside these three. I'm totally cool with that and I understand. We work well together and we are doing well in that respect.
I just don't know why it bothered me. I'm not afraid he'll leave me for some lady on a sex site. So why should I be worried? I told him it bothered me. Mainly the STD's and the dangers of dealing with strangers in sexual settings. I would honestly not feel comfortable having sex with him after he met up with one of these women. It's like he's going to a prostitute w/o paying. I feel as if I'm a hypocrite. I want to be able to explore my sexual needs freely, so why can't he?
I'm just so frustrated. We have not been having sex at all lately (for at least 3 months, and before this it would only happen once a month or so). He says it's because my OCD gets in the way. I will admit that I can be a bit of a prude, but not in the way you might think. I'm not afraid to try things. I just have a problem with fluids... and most good sex involves fluids.
I feel like a monster. The thing is I told my self I would work on this problem, and I have been. The past two months I have been begging for sex and I was even prepared to do all the things he likes, but he has no sexual interest in me at all. He says it is because I don't like anything he does, so he has gotten so tired of me saying no that he doesn't want to bother anymore.
We are like room mates, not lovers, not boyfriend and girlfriend, not partners. I just don't know what to do. I acted like a teenager and had a hissy fit a few moments ago. I'm throwing lots of issues at you guys tonight, I do apologize. I just needed to vent. I know I don't want to break up, so it's not like that. How do I get past this? Part of me feels like a loser if I just give in and do things just because he likes them, and he told me he wouldn't like that. He wants me to be turned on, not feeling obligated.
I honestly just feel as if we need to take a break... but I don't know what type of break. We live together, and that part of life is great. It's just the sex. Maybe we can both agree to not worry about having sex with each other until we find out what it is we can offer one another. Maybe we really do just need to have sex with others. I'm all wishy washy tonight.
Not to mention it's also been a hard blow (pun intended) to my self esteem. I have a heart condition and I have put on some extra pounds. It seems as if we had more sex before this happened. I'm being a girl right now. It also doesn't help my case because I've been shot down by three different guys in the past year. These were men I really fell for too. I had super crushes on two and one I was in love with, still am honestly. I feel like I need some attention.
side note: he is more into kissing, giving and receiving oral sex, four play, romantic stuff.
I am more into D/s, spanking, being controlled. He does not like to do these things with me. I have a friend across the country that does but I'm not sure I'll be able to see this friend as often as I'd like. So, here we are, my guy and I, stuck, in love and the both of us have so much pent up desire.
I don't know if anyone can offer advise. It would help, but if no one can chime in it's okay. Just typing this out has made me feel better.