Thread: Ray's Quandary
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Old 10-30-2010, 08:06 PM
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So, I had a complete meltdown yesterday. O and A planned a date for the night we usually hang out but didn't mention to me but then @ training when someone asked about plans for the weekend, O brought it up. Really, the meltdown was about more than just that. Every since he needed to make some changes to what we could do physically, I've been having a hard time. I keep trying to make it work but I don't know if it is. We've been trying to make this a secondary relationship but I'm not sure if that's a good fit. I'm not sure of where to go next. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. No matter what I do, it's going to be difficult for one reason or another. I could break up with him (probably the most logical) but I just don't want to and whenever I think about it, it's painful and difficult and I'm starting to cry just thinking about it now. We could stay together and try to make it work, figure out what we need to be alright. But I'm not sure that he can give what I need. Well, the issue is more that, she's not comfortable with him being more for me I don't think. We could try something in between, a bit more of a FWB arrangement. Maybe if I had a primary, I would be more ok being the secondary with O. But I mean, it's not like I can just go to the grocery store and pick a primary off the shelf. I've also had to work really late at my job and I'm always so tired these days and that really affects my mood. So I'm a little more depressed than usual to begin with. Argh...
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