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Old 10-29-2010, 10:25 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Ssebo View Post
The main concern are the children (11 and 8) and how will they take to it? I do like Redpepper's approach on that and kindly ask you to may be share more on that, if you don't mind. Thank you.
Ssebo, are you asking me about this? I am wondering if you can be more specific? I'm not sure I understand what it is that you want a comment on... thanks

diane, the way your wrote your first post makes me think you were stalked by Ssebo... he wouldn't stop texting you...? wouldn't leave you alone? was lonely in the evenings, even though he was with his wife? Sorry, it's a bit of a red flag to me and makes me wonder how much of this is your hearts desire rather than his. I can understand you growing into love, but if he had done as you requested then you wouldn't of been dragged into the affair and cheating that it sounds like you were requesting to avoid...

That being said, you are here now and it sounds like the three of you are starting a journey together now. I kind of worries me that it sounds like Ssebo holds all the good cards out of this though, but I am wondering if that is my dominant man alert being sounded... I do REALLY badly with being patient with some dominant men... I tend to think that often they are not conscious of the Tsunami of ego centered requests (demands?) they put on the women that love them. All I can say is that Ssebo's wife, Seekinganswer, must be some woman to be willing to be so open and accepting so early on! I would be up one side of you and Ssebo in two seconds just by virtue of the fact that he seemed so selfish and you seemingly so passive to allow him to convince you that cheating was the answer.

as others have said, live and learn. Yes, you all might of ended up in a similar place as you are today, but the lesson was that it didn't have to be with the pain of an affair to cope with. It will take a long long time for all of you to be in any position to feel comfortable I would think. Hell, Mono cheated in his last relationship and I suffer from the pain that I think his wife must of gone through... she decided not to put up with him and he volunteered to leave... good thing, because she would of kicked him out anyways. When I think of the pain of knowing my deeply cherished trust, respect and loved partner had been lying for so long I can't imagine how anyone would ever be entirely the same after that. A lot of people aren't.

There is a lot for all of you to consider... I think Mono offers some really valuable advice diane... he came into my life at a time when he had been married, had the house, the stuff, raised a child. He doesn't want that any more. He would love a relationship with his daughter, but she has chosen to not speak to him and hasn't for two years (she is 17)... many times we hear of people joining couples and the couple joining them and they grieve the fact that they may never have the white wedding, etc... to some that is a dream since childhood and it is lost when we become part of a poly arrangement. If you are not interested in that, then you are set, but it sounds like you had at least invested in the idea of a mono arrangement and some of what it means to be mono... this will be very different. I can imagine both of you women will not only need time to over come the trauma of the affair but also to grieve the loss of a mono life with the man you love... double whammy.

I wish you all luck. thanks for all of your sharing.
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Last edited by redpepper; 10-30-2010 at 04:10 PM.
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